Something To Talk About

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Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 11 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My “Secret Subject” is:

If you know people are talking about a friend of yours behind her back, do you tell her?  Or do you talk to the people who are gossiping or….both?

It was submitted by: http://batteredhope.blogspot.com

“Gossip is what no one claims to like, but everybody enjoys.” Joseph Conrad

Whenever I think of the word “gossip”, I always picture in my mind Mrs. Oleson from Little House on the Prairie.

It didn’t always carry such a negative connotation. The word gossip began use as a noun, meaning “god sibling, or intimate friend.” Shakespeare actually began using the word as a derogatory verb to describe mostly female behavior and the word has evolved from there to the way we think of and use it today.

I think my answer to this particular question depends on a wide variety of circumstances.  I don’t think there is a one size fits all answer here.  Maybe I’m complicating it unnecessarily and for many of you, it’s very simple.  Or maybe, like me, you can think of hundred scenarios in which you would react differently depending on many factors/reasons.

I remember talking with a friend and for some reason she decided to divulge an extremely sensitive secret about not only a co-worker, but this person also happened to be my boss.  They were friends, good friends, before she became “the boss.” She shared many personal details about her life with the friend sitting in front of me on this day.  Why she decided to blurt out this particular secret to me, I still don’t understand to this day. I immediately felt extremely uncomfortable.  This wasn’t the idle chitchat of two bored co-workers. This wasn’t one friend venting to another or seeking advice.  I felt like a bomb had been detonated.  I didn’t respond.  The silence stretched on.  I knew she regretted her outburst almost immediately.  Her red face leaning in to whisper that of course, I can’t tell ANYONE about the truth bomb she lit underneath me. I felt off-kilter. I felt guilty for even knowing this tidbit of information about my boss.  I hurt for her.  I felt the violation deeply in my soul.  I continued to let my friend fill the silence with nervous pratting. My mind racing, trying to wrap my head around this newfound knowledge.

I agonized over this information for days.  It changed, not the way I felt for my boss, I didn’t lose respect for her, if anything my respect for her had grown, I just felt so uneasy knowing this facet of her personal life that I know she would never have told me voluntarily, that it did affect the way I interacted with her.  It wasn’t my business but I couldn’t unknow it.  Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I had to tell her.  If the situation were reversed, I would want to know that this piece of information was floating around out there.  If this “friend” had told me, then it was certainly possible she had told others.  I wasn’t sure what she could do about it, but I felt very convicted that telling her was the right thing to do.  Right or wrong, I took her to lunch one day, and I told her.  She handled the whole situation with so much grace.  She admitted that while it wasn’t something for which she felt ashamed, it was deeply personal and not something she necessarily wanted out there in her work environment.  She was extremely disappointed and hurt by our mutual friend.  If she ever confronted her, I don’t know.  It wasn’t something I ever discussed again with either of them.

It brought into sharp focus the inherent danger in gossip.  How quickly it can take an ugly turn.  I don’t understand the motive behind telling me this particular secret on this particular day.  It seemed she was hoping to undermine my respect for my boss, but I really don’t understand why and when it comes down to it, the why doesn’t really matter.  She was wrong for sharing it.  It was a confidence she shared with another, a confidence she betrayed, a bond she destroyed and a friendship and working relationship irrevocably changed in a negative way.  My heart hurt for my boss.  Did I do the right thing in telling her?  I don’t know.  I hope so.  At the very least, I thought it would make her think twice before sharing information with this particular person again.

A serious trust was violated that day.  I’m always very careful about what I share with others.  Only a very few special people deserve the title, “heart friend”.  You know, that person that would help you bury the body and carry the secret to his/her grave.  I think gossip can be a very natural and healthy way to communicate among friends, but we must tread carefully and respectfully.  Words spoken aloud can’t be undone.  Words are powerful.  As women particularly, we are quick to tear each other down instead of lift each other up.  Gossip can be positive.  It can be used to describe the ways in which people communicate in community with one another.  It can promote bonding between friends. I believe it is a necessary part of our humanity, bringing us closer, helping to identify and set up moral boundaries.  Gossip becomes dangerous when it turns into theft of another’s reputation.  Gossip can be neutral and positive, but it can also be malicious and hurtful.  Typically, we know the difference when we hear it or when we speak it.

There is a Jewish proverb that says, “And your speech is like the feathers scattered on the wind. Once your words have left your lips, they, too, cannot be gathered again. From now on, be careful of what you say.”

Words to certainly live by ❤

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado                        http://www.BakingInATornado.com

Spatulas on Parade                   http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/

The Blogging 911                   http://theblogging911.com

The Lieber Family Blog                     http://thelieberfamily.com

The Bergham Chronicles                  http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com

Bookworm in the Kitchen      http://www.bookwormkitchen.com/

Southern Belle Charm                    http://www.southernbellecharm.com

Never Ever Give Up Hope               http://batteredhope.blogspot.com

Part-time Working Hockey Mom       http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch

Climaxed                                          http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com

Forget Me Not

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Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 13 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.  Except I’m horrible at keeping secrets apparently and accidentally divulged my secret subject at the end of my last post.   Oops.  This is why we can’t have nice things…  Hopefully, no one noticed.  Fingers crossed.  I shall be super vigilant in the future to guard my secret better.  Pinky swear.

My not so “Secret Subject” is:

SHOULD old acquaintance be forgot?

It was submitted by: http://notthatsarahmichelle.blogspot.com

I admit, I had no idea what I was going to do with this prompt.  Who am I kidding, I still don’t know.  All I know is that this song has been stuck in my head for two weeks, and I want it purged.  Completely.  Forever. I mostly just hum it though, because I don’t actually know the words.  Does anyone really?  I can’t even pronounce Auld Lang Syne.

One of my favorite movies of all time is “When Harry Met Sally” and I think Billy Crystal says it best…

Now I want to watch the movie.  Literally, like right now.  I’ll be back.  Eventually.

(2 hours and a day later)

I love that movie so much.  Okay, I’m back, did you miss me? See, I’m terrible at this question, I went 5 minutes and forgot about all of you.  Also, I almost died.  My blog post page was empty.  I had nothing.  So, I did what anyone would do, I found something to yell at my husband about.  I mean, honestly, why is he home in the middle of the day.  Interrupting my mojo.  Noisily chomping on those chips.  Smacking his lips, talking with his mouth full.  Mid yell, I accidentally suck down the iron pill I was dissolving under my tongue.  Choking, wheezing…dying.  Husband laughs.

(a few hours and a day later…cause recovering)

I love the Christmas season.  It’s definitely my favorite time of the year.  I mentioned in my last blog post (you know the one where I blurted out my secret subject…let it go already!) that I view the week following Christmas as a time to reflect and reminisce on the events of the past year.

So, should old acquaintance be forgot?

Absolutely.

NOT 🙂

Every one you meet has the ability to impact your life in both big and small ways, whether or not the contact is brief, long-lasting or somewhere in between.  You should all be thanking the lady who waxes by eyebrows, otherwise they would be taking over the world, with Donald Trump’s hair. (mental note:  need to get that wax done asap).

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It’s surprisingly difficult to take pics of your own eyebrows.  What should the eyes be doing!?  Do I close them?  Look up or look down? To the right or to the left?  Bah! It made me kinda cross-eyed and dizzy for a second.  I digress, and it wouldn’t be the first time nor the last.

(still more hours later)

Not everyone in our current life makes it into our future life.  Perhaps by choice or not.  Maybe there was a move, a new job, a marriage, an estrangement, a birth or a death, whatever the reason, people come and go from our lives, leaving an impression or an impact, sometimes positive, sometimes not.  Our experiences shape who we are and what we think or believe, not only about ourselves but the world around us.  The ending of one year and the start of a new one, should be a time to reflect on those memories and experiences and the people who helped shape them.  It is in our connections to others that we find a sense of unity and belonging.

At the end of the year, I reminisce on the past year with my family and friends.  I reflect on how our relationships have grown and evolved.  I navigate the choppy waters of my mistakes.  Believe me, there are many, sometimes quite painful lessons.  I don’t turn them over in my mind to simply relive or revive, but to accept and relinquish.  I use this time to forgive.  Whether it be to forgive myself or forgive others.  I celebrate the accomplishments and the milestones of friends and family, reveling also in my own.  Some things need to stay in the past, and a brand new year is the opportune time to move forward accepting the things you can’t change and anticipating the excitement of new adventures.

Auld Lang Syne carries both a mournful and hopeful tune.  Mournful in the sense that maybe some friends or loved ones are no longer with us.  Gone they might be, they are not forgotten.  We are hopeful in a future we can only imagine, surrounded by friends and loved ones, old and new, near and far.  Life is a journey.  It can be beautiful, tragic, challenging, rewarding and arduous, sometimes all at once.  We should surround ourselves with people who support us, bolster us, cheer us on, offer words of encouragement and provide refuge in a storm.

Auld Lang Syne reminds us to be thankful and wistful.  It is after all a wonderful life.

We received a Blessings Jar for Christmas from one of our favorite families with a note that said:

This January, start the year with an empty jar and fill it with notes about good things that happen.  Then, on New Year’s Eve, empty it and see what  amazing things happened that year.

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We think our jar will runneth over ❤

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com       Baking In A Tornado

http://dinoheromommy.com/      Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/        The Bergham Chronicles

http://thelieberfamily.com                            The Lieber Family Blog

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/            Spatulas on Parade

http://www.renasworld.com/                               Rena’s World

http://notthatsarahmichelle.blogspot.com      Not That Sarah Michelle

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch       Confessions of a part time working mom

http://www.southernbellecharm.com               Southern Belle Charm

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com               Someone Else’s Genius

http://mybrainonkids.net                                       My Brain on Kids

http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com               Climaxed

http://www.angrivatedmom.wordpress.com/       The Angrivated Mom

Sisterhoods and Sex Tapes

Last week, I was awarded The Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award by Happy Little Feet, one of my very favorite bloggers and moms.  She’s the kind of mom I imagine myself to be in my head.  She’s all crafty and Do-It-Yourself-y.  She experiments in the kitchen…on purpose!  My kitchen experiments are just normal recipes gone awry.  I’ve burned pasta before.  True story.  She actually completes all the projects I just Pinterest.  I adore this girl, and I’m so glad that I found her in the blogosphere, and I’m honored and excited that she deemed me worthy of this award.

Plus, I’ve decided that I should be a professional award accepter.  Is that a thing?  It should be, if it’s not.

On a side note:  I can’t wait to see the Google hits I get off the title of this post.

I informed my husband that we were now required to make a sex tape.  Which in my case, is more like a horror movie…but whatever.  I’m pretty sure all he heard was the word S-E-X.  Let’s be honest (which I actually pronounce “Lesbi-honest” aka Jersey Shore style, don’t act like you never watched it!), I could get my husband to agree to anything if I throw sex in the sentence.

What I Say:

“Hey, honey…we have to make a sex tape now.  ‘Cause I’ve won like 6 awards, and I’m pretty sure it’s like a thing…we have to do it.”

What He Hears:

“blah blah blah SEX blah blah blah”

I asked my daughter if she would “accidentally” release our sex tape.  Her response:  “Why can’t you be normal?”  She also doesn’t approve of my relationship with Adam Levine.  So, when we get married, I’m totally not letting her live with us.

I spent the last few days thinking about Sisterhood and what it means.  I tried to come up with some really good examples of female solidarity in my own life…well, this is what I got instead.  Oh, and continue reading at your own peril.  You should probably not read further if you:

  1. Are easily offended
  2. Are prudish and have delicate sensibilities
  3. Think sex is something that should NEVER be discussed in polite company or with strangers
  4. Have no sense of humor or at least you don’t share MY sense of humor

You’ve been warned.

I got on the elevator with one of my sweet lovely senior citizen ladies.  I look over at her and smile.  She looks uncomfortable.  I look down and see the cart of depends.

Sweet Old Lady:  “I was hoping I could get to my apartment without anyone seeing me.”

Me:  “Oh, it’s all good.  Pretend I’m not here.”

SOL:  “Thank you dear.”

Me:  <sneezes> “oh goodness, I just peed a little.”

SOL:  <looks at me>

Me:  “I just said that out loud didn’t I?”

SOL:  <pats my hand and gets off the elevator>

I’m not sure if that was an example of Sisterhood, or just a pity pat.  Upon further reflection, it was probably a pity pat, and the most discussed topic at dinner that night.  Awesome.

One of my co-workers took this picture.

If you notice in the center of the pic, there is what appears to be a penis.  Someone spilled something and it dried in the shape of a penis.  Maybe intentionally, maybe not.  It makes me laugh every time I see it now.

So, I’m talking with this co-worker (we will call her B) and another co-worker comes up (We will call her P).  B is complaining that two other co-workers just horrified her with talks of fibroids, hemorrhage-level bleeding and the type of cramps that leave you in the fetal position incapable of breathing.  In a counter-offensive move, B starts interjecting with sex talk.  Not because she wanted to talk about sex, but because she wanted them to stop talking about their respective vagina problems.  She knew if she threw around terms like “blow jobs” both these women would politely excuse themselves from the conversation.  So she’s telling me this horror story, and P walks up.

P: “I refuse to do that <she makes a gagging face>.”  It’s probably why I’m not married.  It’s just not right.”  

B:  <makes the BJ face/hand movement>

P:  <makes the gag face>

Me:  <thinking how happy I am my husband doesn’t know about this “supposed” marriage requirement>

P:  “I have a friend that loves it.  She’s always giving me tips.  She says she does this one thing…” <she proceeds to demonstrate>

Me:  “She motorboats his nuts?  WTH?”

We spent the next few minutes in abject horror bonding over the things we all agreed we would NEVER do.

Sisterhood.

I was complaining about my weight to my youngest daughter the other day.  She just looked at me, but in that one look, I heard what she was not saying:

“Maybe you shouldn’t have opened that bag of peanut M&M’s after ordering the pizza.”

NOT an example of Sisterhood.

As with all these awards, there are rules.

Here are the Rules:
 
1) Thank the blogger who gave you the award.
2) Post 7 things about yourself.
3) Pass the award on to 7 other deserving bloggers, letting them know they’ve been chosen.
4) Include a logo of the award in your post. (see above)
7 Glorious Things About Myself:
  1. I’m deathly afraid of heights.  Mostly because I feel a strong urge to throw myself off tall buildings and I’m afraid one day I might actually succumb to this urge.
  2. I’m left-handed.
  3. A psychic once told me that I would one day be a great ruler and masses of people would follow me.  I was 10, it felt true.  She clearly wasn’t talking about my Facebook Fan Page.
  4.  I can’t clean up vomit.  If I see it, I will do it.  If I even see that you might do it, I will do it.  Just talking about it make me want to do it.
  5. Feet gross me out.
  6. I use Q-tips to clean my ears.  I don’t care about the level of danger.  I’m a rebel.
  7. I don’t like my food to touch.  On my plate.  Seriously, if my chicken touches my broccoli, I’m not eating it.

I’m not going to technically nominate bloggers for this award, but I will list a few of my favorites and everyone who reads this (all 5 of you) should totally check them out.

I’ve already talked about Happy Little Feet (see above).  Here are a few more I love!

Life on Peanut Layne

Sorry Kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others

Big A little a

It’s A Dome Life

Life’s Too Short To Play Possum!

Momaical

Baking in a Tornado

First Time Mom and Dad

I could go on and on, there are so many other blogs not mentioned here that I love, but duty calls, and I must head to work.