“I don’t have pet peeves like some people. I have whole kennels of irritation.” Whoopi Goldberg
Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 13 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
My “Secret Subject” is:
What are some of your pet peeves that you have addressed when other people do them?
It was submitted by: http://batteredhope.blogspot.com
Oh boy… So many pet peeves, so little time. When I started thinking about this topic, I realized how many things annoy me. I could devote an entire blog post to just the things my husband does to irritate me on a daily basis, but I’m not going to pick on him today. It’s no wonder my resting face screams bitchy though, I spend an inordinate amount of time letting other people tick me off. This secret subject was made for me! I’ve narrowed the list down to five in the interest of time and the consideration of my 5 readers. You’re welcome!
ONE: THE AISLE HOGGER
Oh, please park your grocery cart in the middle of the aisle while you peruse at your leisure. It’s not like anyone else matters, please by all means continue acting like you have the entire store to yourself. Don’t worry about me at all. Oh, yeah sorry I’m making such a ruckus knocking everything off the shelves while trying to squeeze my cart in the narrow space you have so graciously left open to me. Now I could probably say excuse me, could you please move your cart, but let us not interject reason and sensibility here. The hogger sees me coming. They know I’m there. They see me struggling. Besides, I much prefer the passive aggressive route of loud sighing, banging my cart against the shelves and mumbling under my breath, all of which continue to go ignored by the aisle hogger. Passive aggression works both ways.
TWO: THE PERSONAL SPACE INVADER
The only thing that might peeve me more than the aisle hogger when I’m at the grocery store is the personal space invader. Why are you practically standing on top of me while I check out? Are you trying to read my PIN number? You won’t get far with the funds in my depleted checking account, I promise you. And could you not let your kid pick his nose and then fondle my bananas please. I don’t allow my husband to stand this close to me, why would you think it’s ok to take such liberties. You’ve taken quite the interest in the items I’ve placed on the belt today. Do you see the chocolate and tampons? Yeah, that should tell you something. STEP OFF! Again, I prefer the indirect approach when dealing with these types. More loud sighing and muttering under my breath. If I’m feeling particularly peeved, I might even shoot a dirty look or two. Not that this person would notice, as far up my jock as they are at the moment.
THREE: THE SPATIALLY UNAWARE
Very similar to the space invader, these offenders will sit next to you in a movie theater or on public transportation even though there are literally hundreds of options. We have the whole rail station to ourselves, but please by all means take the seat right next to me cause that’s not creepy at all. I especially love the men that do it and then proceed to sit with their legs splayed out blocking all entrances and exits and leaving you feeling caged and trapped. Seriously though what is up with guys who sit with their legs all spread out? Are we supposed to be impressed? I’m supposed to think “WOW, he must be packing some serious heat if he has to sit like that! I wonder if he’s single!!” Don’t sit next to me in an empty movie theater either! I never know which cup holder is mine and I don’t want to listen to you munch down on your popcorn and greasy nachos. Not to mention, I’ll be paranoid the whole movie about why you chose that seat above all others and I won’t be able to enjoy myself because I’ll be too busy giving you the side eye waiting for something bad to happen. Of course I would never say anything, because that would be rude obviously. Besides, my body language really speaks for me, so shame on you for not being observant enough to notice!
FOUR: THE ONE UPPERS
My husband can be particularly bad at this one. I know I said I wouldn’t pick on him, but I lied. I’ll mention something like “Gosh, I didn’t sleep at all last night.” To which he will reply, “Yeah, I haven’t slept in days.” Really? Cause when I was staring at the ceiling last night, I was counting your snores instead of sheep. A couple of weeks ago, I was having a particularly rough menstrual cycle. I mention to my husband how much I’m cramping and how yucky I feel to which he replies, “Yeah, my stomach hasn’t felt so good today either. I don’t think I can eat tacos anymore.” Really? I literally want to dig my uterus out with a spoon at this point the pain is so intense, not to mention I’m pretty sure I’m bleeding out, and you’re going to talk about your poop problems? SERIOUSLY? I am bordering homicidal at this point, watch yourself buddy! I manage to somehow control my rage and only give him the stink-eye to which he replies, “What? What did I do?” And he’ll say it while doing his Bill Clinton impersonation. So. Freaking. Peeved.
My other favorite is when we are in the midst of a pretty intense argument of some kind, and I’m making some really valid points but I can tell he’s not listening at all, instead he’s busy planning his rebuttal. How can you plan a rebuttal when you don’t even understand all the nuances to why you’ve screwed up in the first place! Is it any wonder, I’m contemplating filing my tampon to a fine point and using it as a weapon! No jury would convict me. At least I’d finally get a captive audience.
FIVE: NICE TO MEET YOU…AGAIN
I’m terrible with names and faces. I’m the first to admit this and I recognize it as one of my many shortcomings. Which is why, when I’m not sure if we’ve met before, I’ll just say something like “nice to see you.” Nothing irritates me more than meeting someone for the first time for the fifth time. My husband has a job where he has to interface with many people and I understand that I’m just “the wife” but honestly is it really that hard to remember if you’ve met me previously? Am I that forgettable? I’m often tempted to call them out on it, but I know it’s not done purposefully to hurt my feelings. I can’t take it personally, except I do. No one wants to feel invisible. It doesn’t feel good.
What I’ve discovered over the last week while sorting through my list of pet peeves is that most of them just involve a little self-awareness. We are probably all guilty of all of these and many more at one time or another. It’s easy to get caught up in our busy lives, our own problems and issues and fail to notice how our actions and behaviors affect those around us, both those people we know and those we don’t know. I passed a woman in the parking lot the other day and she said “I love your workout pants, so cute!” She made my whole day. It was such a stupid little thing, but the 2 seconds she spared to throw a tiny compliment to a stranger, changed the course of my entire day. I had an extra spring in my step. I felt pretty adorable in my cute workout pants and in turn I was a kinder, gentler and perhaps nicer version of my usual self. Kindness is catching, so are smiles. Spread them around today ❤
“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” Mark Twain
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