Guess What Time It Is?

First of all, let me apologize for being so long between posts!  January is a crazy busy time for me at work, so I’ve had to put the things I truly love on the back-burner for a bit, but now I’m back! 

Okay, I just lied.  What really happened is that I sprained my wrist writing back to all my amazing fans.  Who knew that thanking people for their love, admiration and adoration could be so life-threatening!  Not that spraining your wrist is life threatening, except that when I flinched from the pain I got a paper cut and everyone knows that paper cuts can lead to death.  I saw a tv special on it once, so it must be true. 

It’s true.  I’ve decided it’s time to once again share with you some words of encouragement from some of my most loyal fans.  I’m all afraid to use pictures I find on google now, because of copyright crap, so I made my very own graphic…

fanmail

I think it’s pretty obvious how talented I am, and why I win at Pictionary.  Every. Damn. Time. (and by every time I mean never) 

So, guess what time it is people?!?!?!?

FAN MAIL TIME!

Woo Hoo!

Letter #1:

Dear My Brain On Kids,

Great Article.

Sincerely,

Anus Itch

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Dear Anus Itch,

Thank you so much for your kind words!  It’s comments like yours that really keep me motivated especially during the tough times.  There are moments when I just want to throw in the towel, because being so fantastically awesome is exhausting, but then I get a letter like yours and WHAM!  Just like that, I’m back in action!  Also, you should probably get that itching problem looked at.  Undiagnosed Anal Itching is the leading cause of skid marks and not to be treated lightly.  Proceed with caution and try Gold Bond Medicated Powder.

Sincerely,

My Brain On Kids

Letter #2:

Dear My Brain On Kids,

Thanks for sharing this information….it is my great pleasure to visit your website i found by music search and to enjoy your excellent post here. god bless you!!!

Much Love,

List De Email

—————————-

Dear List De Email,

Why God bless you too!  I am so humbled to learn that I can be found on music searches!  Is there no end to my fame?  My name is really out there, and it’s just such a good feeling.  Like all my hard work and dedication and coke habit were so worth it, ya know?  Just kidding about the coke habit, I’m a Diet Pepsi girl all the way.  I feel like my true purpose in this life is to share valuable information about myself with other people.  I mean why should I bask alone in my greatness?  It means far less if I can’t share it with those who love me faithfully. 

Just a little tip for you, you should please give me time to respond to your kind words before sending letter after letter after letter after letter.  So much love from one place is just overwhelming.  I hope you understand 🙂

Sincerely,

My Brain On Kids  

————————————

Letter #3:

Dear My Brain On Kids,

I was looking around your site and noticed broken links. You might want to change it.

Yours Truly,

Designer Knockoff Handbag Merchants

———————————–

Dear Designer Knockoff Handbag Merchants,

Constructive criticism is truly foundational in my line of work.  I just wanted to take a minute (actually several hours because I sprained my wrist rabidly searching my blog for broken links) and say THANK YOU so much for taking the time out of your busy, busy day to help me out.  I could just cry tears of gratitude!  Or the tears are from the pain I’m experiencing trying to write this heartfelt note to what is very clearly my most devoted follower.  You are the best!  YOU are the reason I strive for perfection!  Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,

My Brain On Kids

————————————-

Letter #4:

Dear My Brain On Kids,

Fuck you all Forex bustards.

Haters Unite,

Forex Peace Army

————————————–

Dear Forex Peace Army,

The juxtaposition of the word “Peace” in your name with the words in your comments “Fuck” and “Haters” is truly an art form.  You clearly have exquisite taste.  I mean, that certainly explains why you love me!  Thank you for so staunchly defending me against these “forex bustards” (I’m assuming bustards is like bastards but worse, so much worse).  Obviously, I understand that with fame and fortune comes the haters and the liars, but it never gets easier.  I proudly carry this cross as long as I have fans like you watching my back!  I’ll sleep better tonight, believe you me!

Sincerely,

My Brain On Kids

p.s.  Juxtaposition was my WOTD (word of the day)!  I’m pretty sure I used it correctly but I’m not sure any bustards will know the difference!  I’d pat myself on the back…but sprained wrist.

————————————

I wish I had time to answer more of your lovingly constructed letters, but it’s time to pop some more pain pills and catch up on Downton Abbey.  It seems appropriate to share this picture that someone shared on my Facebook page. 

Dowager

Take a break from enjoying me!  I know it’s hard, but I must insist my amazingly awesome fans take care of themselves or who will I have to love me and tell me how great I am?  So really, what you do for you, you do for me 🙂

HUGS and KISSES to you ALL!

8 thoughts on “Guess What Time It Is?

  1. You make me genuinely laugh out loud on a more regular basis than almost anyone else. No tiny chuckles here. Big fat belly laughs. Please take that both the ways that it sounds. I freaking love you. Write more. Do it. I loved this post so bad! I’m formulating some fan mail for you right now…

    “Dear Friendz, you are invited follow my blog. You will enjoy read 2. Buy wrinkle defense cream here.”

    How was that? Can you feel the love? I hope so!!! It’s not as poetic as the others, but I’ll keep at it! – Jen

  2. You have the best fans ever! A music service AND Anus Itch? You have reached the pinnacle, girl. I hope you save all of these; they would make an excellent book. Thanks for the laughs (and for your kind comment the other day on my blog)

  3. DAH-UMN!!!! First off, that there so-called “fan” looks vaguely like a fat, little 4-fingered gesture for “fuck-you” in a circle. Other than that, your fine art work possess a verisimilitude that leaves me breathless and feeling as if I’m RIGHT THERE! Second off, when did we start saying “bustard” and “fuck” in your blog? Not to be indelicate or anything, but kids and all. Thirdly, you have the cream of the crop when it comes to fans. Seriously, bar none, non-pareil, top-drawer, a-one, like a boss, fans. I’m so glad you’re back, wrecked wrist and all.

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