Do Something Nice Day. Or Bite Me.

Apparently, today was “Do Something Nice Day”.  This was the craptastic fabulous prompt for today’s blog.

*insert eye roll*

*add a sigh*

This blogging every day is hard work.  I don’t know how people do it.  My awesomeness is kinda hit or miss.  It’s not an everyday thing.  Some days it doesn’t even last the whole day.  I can start out the day in Awesometown and dovetail fast into Blahville, in the blink of an eye.  I’ve spent two days in Blahville.  I camped out there right after I hit publish for my “Secret Subject Swap.”  It hasn’t been all blah though.  My neighbor Intermittent Rage stopped by for some coffee.  Actually, truth be told, I’ve really only driven past Awesometown.  I hovered at the gate.  Some nice townsfolk shared some fruit with me.  I assumed that was their intention…you know when they threw it at me.  The apple kinda stung, I’m not gonna lie.

But anyway, I digress.  I’ve been in this uninspired funk since yesterday afternoon.  My husband and I had several communication misfires this week. I’m over-committed in every area of my life, and then I get this e-mail about the blog prompt, “Do Something Nice Today”.  I’m completely stymied.  Even as I write this, I really have no idea where I’m going with it.  I’m just regurgitating my thoughts and hope by the end, it makes sense.  I’m committed either way.  The publish button is getting hit.  I’m providing rum and coke, so there’s that.  You can drink your way through this blog.  Yay!

Image provided by dreamstime.com

Ah yes…refreshing.  So, shortly after I published my last blog post, I get this e-mail from husband.

“Did you sign me up for something?”  

He attached another e-mail which read:

“Thank you so much for agreeing to volunteer at the UIL competition on Saturday, October 13th….”

I could go a couple of different directions with this.

  1. Pretend I told him about this and feign anger over the fact that he NEVER listens to me.  (oh please, like none of you have ever done this…have another drink)  Even while he is insisting I never mentioned it and getting defensive, in the back of his mind there will be doubt.  I might even earn some guilt points which I can cash in at a later time.
  2. I can offer a cutesy and flirtatious response, and hope he’s receptive.  The upside is that while being all cute and flirty, I don’t ever actually admit to forgetting to tell him, we just skirt around it and at some point the promise of sexy time might be offered.  If I do it right, he’ll leave the conversation thinking volunteering was his idea.  If he’s not receptive, this will end up in a screaming match where I cry that he doesn’t love me or find me attractive anymore.
  3. Be honest and tell him that they needed the volunteers, and no one else stepped forward.  I’m overwhelmed by all my volunteering responsibilities, and it was just easier to put his name down.  I apologize for forgetting to tell him.  The will entitle him to guilt points, to be cashed in at a time or place of his choosing.

What I actually said, “Oh….yes lol”.  See!  Blahville!

As I’m tweeting, facebooking and reading blogs the other night, my husband sits down to watch TV.  He turns it on.  No sound.

Husband: “Why isn’t there any sound on the TV?” 

Me: “Uh…is it on mute?”  I think this is a very helpful suggestion!

Husband:  sighs

Me: “I don’t know.  It was working earlier.”

Husband:  silence

I decide to get up and walk into the living room to investigate.  I find him firing up the DVD player.

Me:  “What are you doing?”  I pick up the remotes and hit the mute buttons.  I had to be sure.  I volume up and down…nope, nothing.  Nada.

Husband:  “I’m going to see if the sound works when you play a movie.”

Me:  “I don’t understand.  If it’s not working on cable, why would a movie work?”

Husband:  “different outputs.”  As if this explains everything.

Me:  “So, maybe the cable connecting the box to the TV is bad?”

Husband:  silence. Which I interpret to mean he has no clue what he’s talking about.

Me:  “It doesn’t make sense to me.”  At this point the movie loads and the volume works.  “Yay!  Maybe it’s working now on cable.”

Husband repeats what he said before that I didn’t understand about outputs, but he adds condescension to his tone which implies that I’m a complete moron and incapable of understanding anything about anything ever. The end.  My DVR is recording, so I tell him not to unplug anything until after it’s done recording.  Please note:  I had no tone, even though he called suggested that I was an idiot.

Husband (yells):  “You don’t even know what I’m going to do!  There you go making assumptions.  I can’t do anything around here.”

Wha?

Me:  “I didn’t assume anything, I was just asking that you please not unplug the DVR while it’s recording.”

Husband:  “yeah, right.”

Me:  silence.  Or maybe some more yelling.  Or plaintive whining about how mean he is to me.  I don’t really remember….

Husband runs a diagnostic on the TV, and it tells him we must call the service line and there will be a minimum $99 charge to have a tech come out and help resolve the problem.

Me:  “Well, don’t you think we might try a new cable or something before spending $99 (we don’t have btw) to call a technician out here?  The TV works, so it’s something between the cable box and the TV?  Right?”

Husband:  “JUST ONCE I’D LIKE YOU TO SUPPORT MY IDEAS!  BUT NO!  I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN. YOU ARE GOING TO GET UP IN THE MORNING AND NOT BE ABLE TO WATCH TV AND THEN YOU’RE GOING TO GET MAD AT ME FOR NOT FIXING IT!”

Ummmm…..did the future happen and I missed it?  What the heck is he talking about?  He’s actually mad at me for an argument we haven’t had yet?  But, I’m the irrational one?  That doesn’t even make sense?  Why would I be mad at him because the TV doesn’t work?  I’m not mad at him now.  Well, I am but it’s because he’s yelling at me for something I haven’t even done…yet!  Clearly, I’ve been beamed out of Blahville and dropped into Loony City.

We continue to spar back and forth, it goes from bad to ugly.  I stomp off to bed, telling him in no uncertain terms that when he realizes he should apologize, I don’t want to hear it!

I get up the next morning, and turn on the TV.  Yeah, it still doesn’t work.  Did I fly into a rage and scream at my husband as he predicted?  No.  I called my other husband.  Dr. Google.  He recommended I try powering off the cable box, by holding it down for 10 seconds.  This would reset it.  I follow these instructions.

The TV comes back on after a few minutes.

There.  Is.  Sound.  Glory glory hallelujah.  I did it!

My husband is still at the gym when I leave for work.  I am practically rubbing my hands together in glee when I imagine his response when he comes home and hears the sounds of our television.

A few hours later, I get this text:

Husband:  “Sound on TV is working.”

Me:  “Yeah I know.  Who do you think fixed it.”

Husband:  “God fixed it.”

Radio silence.  A few hours later.

Husband:  “you suck.”

Husband:  “just testing Siri.” 

Me:  “I fixed the TV.  There is no end to my awesomeness.”

Husband: “Oh wait….I have a Blackberry.  No Siri. Oops.”

Husband:  “How did you fix it?  By turning it on?”

Me:  “Nope. It didn’t work when I turned it on.  I googled ‘troubleshooting no volume AT&T Uverse”, it had a list of things to try.  Because I am awesome and don’t freak out over stupid sh*t, I saved us 100 bucks.”

Husband:  “God, I so wanna do you right now.”

I get home from work today.  I only got about 4 hours of sleep the night before, so all I am dreaming of is crawling into bed for a couple of hours before my next volunteering gig begins.  I walk upstairs and it is like 100 degrees and either I’m going blind or there is a definite smoky haze hovering in the air around me.  I make sure my glasses are on.  Yep.  It’s definitely not me.  I look at the thermostat and the air conditioner is running but something is definitely wrong.  My husband works from home, and he could only have been gone for 20-30 minutes to pick up our son.  How did he work up here all day and not notice something was wrong. It was cooler outside than the upstairs of our house.

I turn off the air conditioner and quickly open windows.  About this time, my husband gets home with man-child.  I tell him what happened, and ask if he had noticed it earlier.

Husband:  “and hello to you.”

Now he’s all sulky and offended.  I don’t feel he has any room to complain.  He’ll come home after being gone all day and love all over the dogs, and I might get a nod in my general direction, but apparently today he’s Mr. Sensitive about being greeted properly.

It’s at this point I realize I’ve left my charger at the office.

My husband drives all the way back to my office (25 miles one way) and gets my phone charger for me.

I bet he doesn’t even know it’s “Do Something Nice Day”.  This is why I love him.  Even when I want to strangle him.

14 thoughts on “Do Something Nice Day. Or Bite Me.

  1. Well, I think it was a fantastic post. As long as SOMEONE got something nice, I feel your prompt was completed. Cheers to the man for grabbing that charger. I don’t blog every day either. I’m just too tired. Of course that’s what I said today when the kids were hungry and the laundry needed folding, but that’s neither here nor there. Happy Friday 🙂

  2. Omg! This is the funniest thing ive ever read and you my dear friend are the mayor of awesometown!!! Oh and I’m dying over the back and forth banter between you and your husband. It’s identical to my life.

    • I’m telling you, we are kindred spirits. Or maybe the same people on alternative universes or something… lol. Thank you so much! My husband tried to tell me that I didn’t tell it exactly right, but whatever. It’s my blog!

    • It did indeed get brighter, and after spending all day outside in the cold with high school kids, I needed it! Thank you so much, considering you are the funniest person I know, I take that as a high compliment indeed!

  3. Bahahaha! Isn’t it amazing that the human race continues? There are times I cannot figure out how women and men survive together. But, I couldn’t survive without my husband either. Hence the “real world” isn’t like a Disney movie. Sigh… At least you can now watch trashy reality TV and feel glad that their lives aren’t yours!

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