(let me, the wife, go on record before I post this that I kept my promise to my eldest daughter not to mention the incident that should not be mentioned….EVER, sorry my sweet, so so so sorry)
Ok. First things
first. I want to point out the reason
for our “He-Said, She-Said” format.
This environment provides fun and entertainment for the reader but also
illustrates how men and women see and hear things differently. Case in point: I clearly said that on the first leg of the
drive I lovingly suggested that, “…if I could
tranquilize her for this part of the drive I would. Nothing major… just a hit of oxycodone or
something to relax.” Somehow this was translated into me SHOOTING
my wife with a tranquilizer dart!! I
mean, that has all kinds of negative connotations! Aiming and pointing a weapon, shooting said
weapon, sharp painful darts, etc, etc. I
was transformed from a loving caring husband who mildly suggested an oral
sedative to calm the nerves for the trip (that is in no way, shape or form an
admission to my supposed bad driving skills by the way), to some sort of wild hunter with a .45
caliber tranquilizer rifle stalking and shooting my unsuspecting wife!!! Oh well, moving on….
There are some things that she did state correctly. Normally, I am pretty careful about what and
when I eat. I have found like most men
my age, once you get past the 40 year mark, the transformation of food into
sizable “love handles” happens way too quickly.
Additionally, once I add some inches to my personal floatation device
they are much harder to get rid of!!
However, there is something about a road trip that weakens my defenses
and sparks my ability to rationalize eating just about anything. I did try to limit my intake to two hour
intervals; however, I did shovel something into my mouth on a regular basis. In
my defense, one could consider the beef jerky and peanuts healthy treats
right? Yea… I’m going with that. On the other hand, the Wendy’s “Baconator”
might have been overkill! Hey, I did run about 3 miles yesterday in the
blazing sun, and I will run that every day.
Of course, I may only be burning off my regular 3-Guinness a night habit…
DAMNIT! Hey, I’m on vacation right!
On to the beach we go.
Our first day on the Emerald Coast was fantastic! The water was really nice and clear and the
beach’s here are clean, white and wonderful.
Moreover, we have a public beach access point just around the corner
from our house! Now I must mention only two highlights of our
beach festivities. Let’s get the obvious out of the way
first: I want to go on record as saying that
I was minding my own business, relaxing in a beach chair and watching my son
frolic in the waves when these two teenage boys commented on my apparent
likeness to that “situation” guy from Jersey Shore. I will also admit that if I bear a physical
likeness to that TOOL I will humbly accept it as a compliment… beyond that… I
only pray that I am NOTHING like that ego-maniac! Yes, I have an ego. Yes, I comprehend my innate weakness towards
vanity. (After all, I have proclaimed that my medieval Knight name would have
been, Ser Jerry the Magnificent)
However, that guy takes self-love to eye-popping proportions!! Hey, I
took the freaking picture for comparison… like I said, from a physical
perspective there are worse things I could be compared to I guess.
Moving on to the real, “situation” on the beach
yesterday. I will keep this short and
warn you that it is not for the faint of heart.
I am still a tad traumatized. While playing in the ocean with all three of
my daughters, I turn at one point only to see that my oldest daughter is
unwittingly experiencing a wardrobe malfunction with her swimwear and flashing
the entire area. (Picture the incident
at the super bowl a few years ago with Janet Jackson… yes that one). So, I turn, see the…. You know… immediately
cover my eyes and begin mentally reciting the rosary to cleanse myself and
scream NOOOOOOO…. DANGER… DANGER…. GIRL,
COVER YOURSELF!!! The poor girl turns about 5 shades of red and
fixes the problem. She proceeds to tell
me how she will be scarred for life and I ask her how she thinks I Freaking
feel!!!??? Definitely a reality TV show
moment. Good times.
All in all, it was a great day topped off with a trip to
this really cool shopping village called, The Commons”. The girls roamed freely, the man-child got to jump, bounce and fly on bungee cords
and I was again feeling grateful for my wonderful family.
Next stop – The family pandemonium-money sucking trip to
Fudpuckers and Alligator Feedings… hopefully the wife is not entertaining ideas
of feeding me to the beast!