First and foremost:  All of you New Year’s Resolutionists stay away from my gym!  What’s a girl got to do in order to get access to a treadmill for goodness sake!  Even though The Biggest Loser made it acceptable for fat girls to work out in the gym, I still feel like everyone is staring at me when I walk in.  It’s worse when I go with my husband, because he’s all fit and buff and I know everyone’s thinking…”goodness, I hope that’s his sister not his wife, poor guy”.  I sometimes feel like some imaginary person is walking before me yelling “fat girl walking, fat girl walking”.  It’s what I like to call my Green Mile moment.  Like it’s not bad enough they put the treadmills on the second level, so I’m already huffing and puffing when I get there, but then I end up having to take the treadmill in the very front where I know everyone is staring at me and I can’t pick out my wedgies!

But I digress, and that is not the point of my rant today.  I recently decided (against my better judgement) that I should begin incorporating strength training in my weekly routines.  I mean why not, I can now walk 3 miles in an hour (no, that’s not a typo!  hello, were you paying attention, fat girl walking!).  I actually rode the stationary bike 10 miles the other day, of course I can’t use the bathroom or sit on anything without excruciating pain, but I did it.  So anyway, I started strength training.

One day last week, I was at the gym, I did my treadmill warm-up before hitting the weights.  I do my ab work first, which is comical to watch, but I believe they are in there somewhere.  Then I work on strengthening my back.  Well there is a group of 5 guys on my back machine.  Not all at once, they were nicely taking turns, but here is my rant.

What kind of guys go to the gym in groups and cluster around one machine at a time.  One guy works out, the other 4 are texting.  Are you kidding me?  I mean I get a group of guys going to the gym for a rousing game of basketball, but sharing one machine at a time.  Give me a break.  If you need to bond, go have a beer or xbox together.  And is texting part of the workout?  Fat thumbs a problem for anyone?  I ended up not waiting for that machine, and I blame them for my bra fat overhang.  Bastards.

Mirror Mirror on the wall, who’s the biggest toolbox of them all?  There is this one guy that gets on the stairmaster right next to the mirror.  He walks sideways just so he can stare at himself, and then every once in awhile he will delight all of us people watchers by lifting up his shorts to watch his butt cheek flex.   I kid you not.  I couldn’t make this up if I tried.  They have that people of Walmart website, well they should have one of those for gym rats!

By the way, I wear head phones because I’m there to work out.  Don’t talk to me.  Nothing about me in the gym screams “chat me up”!  So if you can’t respect my one treadmill between us rule and you have to get on the one right next to me, do us both a favor and shut up.  Do you think because I’m fat, I’m not taking my workout seriously?  I’m offended.  Can’t you tell by my red face and the sweat pouring off my body that I probably couldn’t talk even if I wanted to?

Girls.  Gym.  Full makeup.  You look stupid and desperate.  Enough said.  But hey, I’ve got 5 guys over here who might like you!

On a positive note, I’ve lost 10lbs since joining the gym.  I won’t admit my weight on here, but let’s just say, I could be on The Biggest Loser (thankfully, I would look like one of the smaller people, but next to 500lbs, that’s not difficult).  I won’t say I love it.  In fact, I hate working out, and those endorphins I keep hearing about…yeah where are they?  I just want to take a nap when I’m done.  The whole caloric intake thing for me is the hardest, I like to eat.  Plus I am the worlds pickiest eater over the age of 10.  So wish me luck!  Hopefully, by February 2011, I’ll be one of those obnoxious people that lose the weight and then tell other fat people it’s just about willpower.

I’ll keep you posted!

4 thoughts on “Toolbox

  1. Yes I love it when women come work out with good hair and makeup and all their clothes match. They’re trolling for something we’re not trolling for….a LUV connection!!

    My pet peeve are people who roll out of bed and imagine they’re smelling a little funky so they put on buckets of cologne and climb on the elliptical next to me. I’m breathing like a freight train already, so when I catch a whiff of that, my respiratory system spazzes out. Hate that!

    Love your blog!!

  2. OMG. I just wanted to let you know that I discovered your blog on wordpress today, and although I like to randomly look at featured blogs that pop up on the homepage from time to time, I kept reading yours because the first post I read was so good. And this was was even better! You’re a great writer! Thanks for the entertaining insights 🙂

  3. Hey!
    I totally had the same experience as you! I simply do not understand why guys have to crowd around the weights! There were only 2 girls(my friend and me) in the gym and so many guys! We didn’t dare to approach the weights!

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